Many movies are cringe worthy and difficult to watch. In this post (and more to follow), I will be documenting moments in movies that leave me scratching my head and saying 'WTF?'. Sometimes perfectly good movies are ruined, or at least blemished, by their Hall of Shame moments. In others the Hall of Shame moment is just one more notch in the awfulness of the movie. Without further ado here is my first entry into my Movie Hall Of Shame

• The father killing his son in "The Mist"  -- This was a fairly good movie throughout, until the end. Trapped in a car with four people, including his son, our hero discovers he only has three bullets left in his gun. So, rather than wait for the monster(s) to appear before killing the occupants of the car he decides to kill the other three passengers (to spare them the horror of the Mist). Unfortunately for our hero, the rumbling approaching them was the US military ready to kick ass on the Mist Monster(s) and not the monsters so he kills his kid for no good reason. The lesson here is "wait until death is imminent before 'putting people out of their misery'".
• The guy throwing the map away in "The Blair Witch Project" -- I hated this movie, from the way it was shot to the poor story line and acting. The moment for me where I stopped caring about the characters and started rooting for the witch though occurred when the guy threw the map away, because he "couldn't read it". Brilliant Einstein! You aren't there with anyone else who might have been able to read it, maybe even showing where you were and how to get out, no no please throw it away it's pretty much useless, as are you and the rest of this (blessedly) short movie were.
• The alien's allergic reaction in "Signs" -- If I were in charge of an alien invasion, and had spent the years of evaluation and planning that would go into such a move. Had access to advanced technology that allows us to cross these distances, I might have read a climate report or two that showed not only is most of the planet's surface mad up of water, but at any time there is water falling from the sky, FROM THE SKY!!! Now, this doesn't seem like a big deal, until you understand that your entire species has a deathly allergic reaction to water. That would be like a group of guys with a deadly peanut allergy storming a "Planters" factory, bad idea. When a group of cub scouts armed with Super Soakers can defeat your invasion you have a fatal flaw or two in your planning. Look for another planet dumb ass.
• Burning the Gutenberg Bible in "The Day After Tomorrow"  -- Here is a helpful hint if you are in a room in the library with a number of precious books. Start by buring the wood panelling, tables, chairs, crappy books by Danielle Steele. Pretty much anything before you burn your copy of the first book produced with movable type. I understand you need to survive, but how about we exhaust ANYTHING before we destroy a priceless and irreplacable piece of cultural history.
• Shane Falco not being kept on the team at least as the backup in "The Replacements" -- An NFL team dresses 45 players on game day. Almost all of these teams have a starting Quarterback, a backup Quarterback AND an "Emergency" Quarterback. Jimmy McGinty is in charge of his team completely but can't keep the Quarterback that he covets in any of those roster spots? Luckily for McGinty, Falco lives close enough to the stadium to make it there from the time he is interviewed heading into the tunnel at half time to before the team takes the field for the second half, and appararently still has a roster spot to boot.
• Greedo, a ruthless bounty hunter, shooting first and missing from 2 feet away in "Star Wars"-- Look, I LOVE Star Wars, I've seen it at least a hundred times. My enjoyment was never once diminished by Han Solo shooting Greedo out of hand before Greedo can attempt a shot. Then Lucas 'fixed' it. This is bad, bad Hall of Shame bad. Come on, a bounty hunter standing on the other side of the table missed Solo and Han doesn't even have to dodge, lame lame lame. Star Wars is still a great movie, but that scene is shame worthy for sure.

That's my inaugural list of Hall of Shame movie parts. Feel free to suggest some of you own recommendations for the Hall in the comments, who knows your nomination may get some movie moment into the next installment of the Hall of Shame

We all have songs that remind us of things that happened when we were listening to those songs originally, here is a small list of mine:

• Sister Golden Hair (America) -- Even though America sang this song, I am always taken back to college. Gary Umlaf used to play guitar and sing the songs, he would always play this one for me, so when ever I hear this song it takes me back to the Landshark in East Lansing and much drunker days
• You May Be Right (Billy Joel) -- This takes me back to  High School, Junior year, my old Chevette (Chevrolet's other Vette), it had an 8 track deck that I hooked a Cassette Player too so I could listen to my Billy Joel tapes
• Modern Major General (Gilbert and Sullivan) -- My son Will, loved this song when we were in the rental house (2001 ish). He used to call it his 'opera' and would pretend that he was an opera singer singing it.
• Song of the South (Alabama) -- My middle sons (Keith and Luke) LOVE this song. Everytime I hear it, we are in the car and they are singing along with it as best they could.
• Life In A Northern Town (The Dream Academy) -- I love this song, and everytime I hear it I am transported back to 8th grade and the table in my Father's kitchen. This is where the old Commodore 64 was and I am playing Ultima III, this one is very strong.
• All My Life (K-Ci & JoJo) -- This was the first dance song with my lovely wife Becky and it always takes me back to the dance floor.
• Silent Lucidity (Queensryche) -- College, dingy apartments drinking cheap beer and playing Euchre after a closing shift at McDonalds, simpler times indeed.

That's my list, feel free to add some of your favorite songs and the places they take you in the comments.

Patrick Swayze was an immensely influential actor in the 80s and 90s and made some great movies during that time. Here is a list of some of my favorites, excluding his chick flicks like Dirty Dancing and Ghost.

• Black Dog -- Patrick Swayze driving a truck and fighting off thugs. What more could you want. Hey, it's better than "Over the Top".

• The Outsiders -- Not quite as good as the book (of same name) but a true classic gangland battle movie and a veritable who's who of 80s male actors.

• Steel Dawn -- Loner, wandering the ravaged wastelands of a post apocalyptic world. Pure awesomeness.

• Red Dawn -- Most awesome Russians invading America soil movie. Beats the crap out of "Invasion USA".

• Point Break -- He's the Bohdi Lama, spiritual surf guru by day, bank robbing mastermind by night. Getting to pair with Keanu "Ted Theodore Logan, esquire" Reeves was just icing on the cake

• Roadhouse -- His best action movie. He's not a bouncer, he's a cooler. He's philosophical yet can rip your throat out if he needs to. With lines like "Pain don't hurt" you just know that ass kicking is in the air. The cherry on this sundae, Sam Elliot is in the movie, out ass kicking even the Swayze!

That's my list at this time, feel free to comment on the list or make your own suggestions in the comments.

Hello all, since we just finished Tax Day here in the good ole US of A I thought I'd make a list of (hypothetical) things to not say to an IRS agent during an audit.

• "You do know I pay your salary right?" -- While this is technically true, assuming your are a net tax spender, government workers in general are not fans of being reminded of this and they will NOT take a subservient tone with you for the rest of the interview
• "I couldn't find the line to deduct hookers and blow, so I listed them as charitable deductions." -- Unless your profession is Pimp or Congressman, you are not at this time allowed to deduct expenses for hookers and blow, even if the hookers name is "Charity"
• "These aren't the funds you're looking for" (in an Obi-Wan Kenobi voice) -- Seriously, I mean seriously, you know that Star Wars and all of it's sequels/prequels are movies right? You can't really get the weak willed to do anything for you, unless they are men and you are a hot woman, but then you wouldn't be using an Obi-Wan Kenobi voice if you were a hot woman.
• "I didn't pay my taxes because I don't want to be in the administrations cabinet." -- While many members (and nominees) for the current administrations cabinet level posts had failed to pay their taxes the IRS is probably not going to extend the same courtesy to you John Q Public.
• "I didn't file my taxes this year because I'm starting my own stimulus plan." -- Again, funny and topical, but IRS agents are not hired for their sunny disposition and enjoyment of a good joke.
• "That's the income from the Friday night Poker Game I run, I have to declare that too?" -- Remember to keep your cash only accounts as cash only, no paper trail no interesting questions.

Well, that's my list of things not to say to an IRS agent during an audit. As always we here at Keith's List don't advocate doing anything illegal, immoral and wrong are up to you. So remember to declare your income correctly on your forms and not take odd deductions, and it wouldn't hurt to show up at your audit with a tube of KY.